Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Happy New Year!

Like many of you, I'm hoping to escape certain hassles of 2007 in '08, my pagan neighbors being among them. Now before you think I'm sounding harsh, let me explain. My neighbors, the McMillans, all believe they are the sins incarnate. Yes, there are even seven of them. Each member of the family identifies with a specific sin.

The mother, for example, identifies heavily with the sin of lust. As the mother of six, no two from the same father, no one can disagree. Well, except for me, however. My faith in the Adurist church leads me to insist that when she declares herself the sin incarnate of lust, she is in fact wrong. She, however, is not that sharpest tool in the box. Once I explained the basic facts about lust vs. various forms of karaoke, she could only respond with a feeble "...But I hate karaoke." This, I told her, was the point. As a response, I received nothing but a blank stare.

How misunderstood my church is.

Monday, December 31, 2007

A Crash Course on the Adurist Church

Hello all. My name is Braxton Lesley, but you may call me Abbas Abbatis. I am the founder and leader of the Faithful Church of Adurism. For those of you who aren't familiar with our religion, let me explain. Adurists do not believe in singing karaoke. To put it simply, we believe the Bible was mistranslated, and what is referred to as "lust" in the standard Christian Bible is, in the original manuscript, a testament against poor music, especially when used to worship our Lord in Heaven.

If you'll take a quick look at the New Testament, you'll see that music is never used in the worship of our Lord. We Adurists have simply taken this concept and put it to a bit of an extreme, allowing us to cleanse ourselves completely of the tempation to get carried away on a drunken night.

We also believe that karaoke takes the place of lust in the Bible, because lust is a sin children can't comprehend, and therefore, one we do not believe true. Children are, of course, the most innocent demographic of the human race.

Welcome to my blog about my life as the priest of the Faithful Church of Adurism.